Back To My Roots (Part 2)

So in life we as humans are constantly growing and evolving. It’s an attempt to better us and strive to achieve the unthinkable. So many times I have caught myself being ok with the status quo and being surrounded by those individuals who didn’t have my back or best interests. Being diagnosed with HIV in 2011 really forced me to go through a sort of metamorphosis and reassess my life.

Recently many folks have been asking, “Did you go and decide to end ThePozLife.com?” The truth is that I decided to do some serious soul searching and adult decision-making. Believe it or not I used to fly before for a regional airline; however, I was sexually assaulted on an overnight and that scarred me so much flying and overnighting in hotel rooms were never the same. That night in Chicago I learned to stop being so naïve and trusting of others. Since then I had gone to working within the for profit sector before transitioning to non-profits and finally a state health department. Since being diagnosed with HIV I have been seeing a mental health professional, discovering who I was, pushing myself to go outside of my perceived limits, and then going back to accomplish my dreams. While working in the HIV field I honestly became disgusted and annoyed. I felt as if I was in a remake of the movie Mean Girls and was among folks who were in the market of making themselves “famous and notarized,” by their work rather than letting the work speak for itself. I found myself surrounding by cliques of academics, community mobilizers, social media gurus, and socialites and began to lose my identity and purpose. That was not Patrick. I was far from my roots of just posting long ass YouTube videos where I’d vent and just aimlessly talk. More importantly I lost focus and connection on the actual experience of living with and moving through life with HIV. I was now in a place where I was talking at people rather than sharing my experiences. Am I bitter how individuals in the field treated me? Yes, however I have had so many great experiences with a handful of folks who have given me so much more than a clique can; therefore, the positive experiences outweigh the negative ones.

It’s very frustrating to work among people who had no passion or drive to really touch people’s lives. More importantly among people who use HIV and people living with it as a tool to gain personal profits and increased social status.   I had a coming to Jesus moment where I had to really think about my future. Did I really want to wake up one day 60 years old and had been totally committed to ending the epidemic of HIV that I was not able to pursue my dreams, work within my dream job and primarily being surrounding by people who were in the same situation. Or did I want to break back into a dream job that I loved doing where I could utilize all of my talents. At that point I was close to a decision to go back to being a flight attendant.

The final straw that broke my back was being at a conference in Atlanta earlier this year where someone tried to tell me to look and carry myself a certain way when around people of power and influence. I was very confused at to why I would be invited to become part of an organization but then forced to change to be the ultra conservative, suit wearing, name throwing, and inability to have humility that they had. It wasn’t my thing and seeing how particular folks can be really changed my perspective on the colleagues in the field I worked with.

Since leaving I have not heard from many folks in the HIV and Public Health field and if I have heard from them it is honestly for something they want. I am not writing that to complain but to let you know that in life you come across people throughout your individual journey to greatness and you may not take them to you. It is ok for them to come and go. This is simply apart of the human experience. It is so important to focus on your dreams and the necessary people you either have to knock over or get through to get to the finish line. The other important thing is to make sure that you keep those valuable friends and allies on your side. These folks will support you when you are up or down in the dumps.

Being a flight attendant for one of the greatest airlines in the world is a blessing. The experience of living with HIV within a Fortune 500 company is different but I am ready for the challenge and blessed that I am able to share every moment I can with you. Remember living and with HIV is a unique situation. We have many ups and downs the others will never know about. I just keep my faith and positivity that things will work out. This ideology has not failed me yet.

“Im going back, back, back to my roots

Where my love can be found and my heart rings true

Im going back, back, back to my roots

To the time and the place, coming back to you.” – Rupaul 

Where in the World Has Patrick Been!

S**T Said to Poz Guys Online

Like it or not but HIV related stigma can be seen everywhere. From the entertainment industry all the way to our phones. Mobile networking apps or as I like to call them “FCK or Hookup apps,” carry much of the stigma. Many of these companies like Grindr, Scruff, Jack’d, and Adam4Adam do provide ways for AIDS Service Organizations/Community-based organizations to advertise services, and is a great opportunity to outreach to our community. Many of these applications allow for you to share your status, and even note your last testing date if you are positive; however, we are still turned down, blocked, or face ridiculous comments when we disclose our status to people or reach out to them as a openly positive person.  So here goes a list of the SHIT IGNORANT GUYS SAY TO POZ GUYS Online:    

 

“Are you clean/DDF?”

Let’s face it before you can even get into saying what you are into or what your favored dick size is you are faced with either reading this in a profile or after a light exchange of messages. What tickles us is the fact that folks common sense would either be confused by what someone means by clean or not disclose one’s STD and HIV status in order to bust a nut or avoid being discriminated against. Let’s not mention the fact that many are positive yet just do not know it.  How about saying something like “I frequently test and currently negative for all STDs including HIV.  How about you?”  We are all clean.  Let’s stop using cleanliness to describe status and keep it in the hygiene category.

 

“Sooo… can you still fuck?”

I take it that the  lack of comprehensive sex education and just lack of contact with positive guys attributes to this. It is really sad that guys think that an HIV positive diagnosis means that we have to give up our sexual pleasure. Yes, guys who are positive can have sex and lots of it. Many use the term “undetectable to share that they are virally suppressed and on top of the virus.” Studies have shown that an undetectable viral load means a significant decrease of being infected with HIV if exposed.

 

“Why are you still having sex and/or bare backing if you are positive?”  

The answer is simply because I can. Just because someone is HIV positive doesn’t mean they have to confine themselves to a life of celibacy nor only have sex with positive guys. It’s all about sex positivity. If both parties are cool with it then so be it.

 

 

 

“But you’re such a good guy.”

 I’m still a good guy. Being HIV positive doesn’t change who I am as a person.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I prefer my guys clean or DDF.”

Yet if no one even mentioned HIV you wouldn’t have brought it up or asked when the last time I tested (or cared if it was more than a year). So many put clean or DDF in their profile yet don’t understand you are basically saying anyone who is not STI or HIV free is dirty. Plenty of times you wouldn’t even be able to know a person’s actual status based of off window periods.  We need to learn to have healthy conversations surrounding current STI and HIV status.

 

 

 

How did you get it?

HIV isn’t something you just pick up off the sale rack at TJ MAXX. Everyone’s experience with the virus is different. More importantly, it’s probably not your business. There are some people who are willing to talk about their own story, but that doesn’t mean you should assume it’s okay to ask other poz people the same question. It could be a difficult conversation for some people to have based off of past negative or traumatic experiences . Don’t be that person who reopens old and unhealed wounds.

 

 

“Who gave it to you?”

Who gave you Herpes? Oops was that too much? I mean it’s like asking someone what they went to jail for. Let the person tell you that information when they feel comfortable around you. Again there is such a thing as too much information.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well you don’t look like you have it?”

What does someone who has HIV look like? Remember we are now in 2015 not the 80s. Due to the available and much needed medications, research, medical services, behavioral health services, prevention options, and so many other programs we have the necessary things to stay healthy. Folks living with HIV keep their viral loads down, their CD4 counts/percentages up, and overall holistic health flourishing. Some people don’t look like total a-holes but hey looks can be deceiving, am I right? Listen, people with HIV look like you or me or him or her or them. HIV doesn’t look any specific way. Did you think I’d be wasting away? That we’d be frail and sickly little things? On the contrary, there are lots of hot guys out there living with HIV! (See thepozlife.com and this article for perfect examples.)

 

 

“Isn’t it like you just take a pill and everything is good?”

If only that was the case. Folks who are positive deal with so much stuff that goes beyond just taking a pill. Remember the fact that stigma creates barriers to staying adherent to medication and add a host of other mental and social issues. I hear horror stories of how people hid their meds in over-the-counter bottles, take their meds in secret, or even suffer from behavioral health issues. I have even been open about my own chronic depression and PTSD, which can cause huge barriers socially and to medication adherence. It takes those who truly understand the nature and severity of what people living with HIV are going through to understand that it isn’t just like a antiretroviral HIV pill(s) can fix things. So much time is spent with a mental health professional and a medical provider always checking to makes sure things are well.

 

“Do you think I need to be tested?” Only you can answer that question. I would say if you haven’t tested in 6-12 months and have been potentially exposed to HIV then yes you should. In addition, if your local health department has contacted you or Disease Intervention Specialist (DIS) and they confirm you may have been exposed then testing would be advantageous.

 

“I was tested for HIV last year?”

This is a tricky one. When I provide HIV counseling to many people who happen to be young and old alike I have to remind them of the window period, the need to frequently test, and the fact that based off of things like the amount of sex and number of partners may create the benefit of screening multiple times within a year (3-6 months). I tend to recommend HIV and STI testing every 3-6 months for folks who are highly sexually active

“Will you die?”

Chile boo. I am not going anywhere. As long as I take my meds as prescribed, go to my doctors visit, and live an overall holistic healthy lifestyle I will be just as old if not older than you. Yes! And so will you! I’m assuming most guys mean to ask; will you die due to HIV related causes? C’mon guys. Great strides have been made in enhancing treat and the lives of those living with the virus, and discovering out how to control it in order to live a full life. As long as a poz person stays in care and/or sticks to their medications then there’s hardly a reason that their lifespan is decreased BECAUSE of HIV.

 

“But you’re such a good person.” Sooooo everyone else that has HIV are terrible people? No my friend HIV doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care which walk of life you come from. You could be the biggest sinner around or a total saint!  You could have a purse so heavy making Oprah dollars or dirt poor.  Keep your pre-conceived judgments to yourself.

 

 

 

“How did you get it?”

The same ways HIV is transmitted. Did you want some elaborate story? Well that depends on how comfortable the poz guy you’re talking to is up to sharing.

 

 

 

 

“Who gave it to you?” Again this is probably not your business and probably not the most comfortable conversation to have. Also, does it matter? If you’re worried about knowing who has “it,” and who doesn’t so you can know whom to avoid, then you probably should be taking other precautions. Like, I don’t know, talking about the matter with your intimate partners, condom use, and even PrEP?

 

“I prefer my guys clean.” Hey good for you! Some like ’em clean, some like ’em smelly! STOP equating being negative to being clean! If negative is too difficult of a word to type out, use “neg,” maybe? It’s also only one syllable!

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m so sorry for you.”

And I am so sorry that you are ignorant as hell. No one asked for apologies. Why? Who died? Is my dog okay? Dude, where’s my car? I kindly reject your invite to the pity party. Instead of feeling sorry or sad for me, you could try to support the HIV community by broadening your horizons and giving back. Educate yourself and start the conversation with your friends. I’m only sorry that people still cringe at the acronyms HIV and AIDS.

 

 

 

 

 

“Why does it always have to be the cute guys?”

Why does it have to be anyone at all? Why do folks think that HIV only goes after a certain look? Although certain populations are impacted greater than others anyone can be HIV-positive. It does not matter how you look, your socioeconomic status, the amount of followers or likes you have, or even if you identify as a top or bottom. Trust there are some positive tops out there.

 

 

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Patrick Ingram and Adrian Castellanos are two awesome gay men of color living with HIV sharing their experiences.  Please share, spread the word, and continue to keep in touch with ThePozLife.com.  For media inquiries please contact Patrick@thepozlife.com

 

 

 

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World AIDS Day 2014: A National Call to Action

WORLD AIDS DAY 2014: CALL TO ACTION LIVE

As of 2013, AIDS has killed more than 36 million people worldwide (1981-2012), and an estimated 35.3 million people are living with HIV, making it one of the most important global public health issues in recorded history.So ThePoz+Life is calling for everyone to join us on November 29th at 1:00 PM EST via Google Hangout, YouTube, or ThePozLife.com for, ThePozLife: Nationwide Call to Action for World AIDS Day! For this to be successful we need you to share with your social networks, organizations and other news platforms.

CDC: Prevention is Care

ADAP Advocacy Association Announces Recipients for 2014 Annual ADAP Leadership Awards; Leaders to receive Awards at 4th Annual Awards Dinner

The Poz+ Life is so pleased and excited about the followed award.  This shows that collaboration and teamwork can get the job done.  I am so proud of my fellow members Thomas and Adrian for their hard work in such a short time. This includes our guest contributors and hundreds of individuals who shared our materials! Thank you so much supporters, roots, family, and friends!

-Patrick Ingram

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WASHINGTON, D.C. (July 7, 2014) – The ADAP Advocacy Association, also known as aaa+, today announced the recipients for its 2014 Annual ADAP Leadership Awards, which recognizes individual, community, government, media and corporate leaders who are working to improve access to care and treatment under the AIDS Drug Assistance Programs. The eight leadership awards will be presented during the 4th Annual ADAP Leadership Awards Dinner being held on Monday, August 4th at 7:00 pm in Washington, DC. The dinner will be held in conjunction with its 7th Annual Conference, being held at the Westin Washington DC City Center on August 3-5, 2014.
The 2013-2014 award recipients include:

• ADAP Champion of the Year (individual): Kathie Hiers, AIDS Alabama
• ADAP Emerging Leader of the Year (individual): Wanda Brendle-Moss
• ADAP Corporate Partner of the Year: Ramsell Corporation
• ADAP Community Organization of the Year: Community Education Group
• ADAP Lawmaker of the Year: The Honorable Henry Waxman, M.C. (D-Calif)
• ADAP Social Media Campaign of the Year: The Poz Life by Patrick Ingram
• ADAP Grassroots Campaign of the Year: Moral Mondays
• ADAP Media Story of the Year: Continuing HIV Care for Formerly Incarcerated U.S. Citizens,
by Candace Y.A. Montague, TheBodyDotCom

“With so much uncertainty surrounding the future of the AIDS Drug Assistance Program, it is only fitting to recognize a group of honorees who have worked so tirelessly to improve access to care for people living with HIV/AIDS,” said Brandon M. Macsata, CEO of the ADAP Advocacy Association about the 2013-2014 award recipients. “It is reassuring to know that these individuals will be continuing their advocacy to promote and protect programs, such as ADAP. Our award recognition is a simple gesture of our appreciation!”
To learn more about the ADAP Advocacy Association, its Annual ADAP Leadership Awards, or its Annual Conference, or the, please contact Brandon M. Macsata at info@adapadvocacyassociation.org.
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Check out the original post here!

 

[The ADAP Advocacy Association (aaa+® ) is a national 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization incorporated in the District of Columbia to promote and enhance the AIDS Drug Assistance Programs (ADAPs) and improve access to care for persons living with HIV/AIDS. aaa+® works with advocates, community, health care, government, patients, pharmaceutical companies and other stakeholders to assure that access to services recognize and afford persons living with HIV/AIDS to enjoy a healthy life.]

To Collaborate Or Not To Collaborate – The Importance of Teamwork in the Continued HIV Epidemic

  So let us face it, there are many pros and cons when it comes to collaboration; however, to continue the winning war against HIV&AIDS it is essential to our victory. When communication and opposing visions clash, it creates an environment where every time you correspond with one another it is like walking on ice. Communication is essential to the success of any relationship and if there is a not a system to ensure everyone at the table has a way of knowing what is going on (including being able to provide feedback on changes) then all hell will break loose.

  There is an unseen benefit to this because when done correctly and in a manner that is consistent collaborations can be very useful. Apart of the Northern Virginia HIV Consortium Prevention and Education Committee is a perfect example. Nechelle Terrell, Chair of the committee has shared with me that this creates an opportunity for many organizations to work together across their service areas and jurisdictions. Like many community-based organizations across the nation, we are seeing a decrease in available resources. The prevention and education committee utilizes its members to ensure that events have the ability to have additional support from other agencies. In addition, successful best practices and experiences help to ensure organizations struggling to meet certain populations or communities where they are at have some assistance. Resources and talents to better meet the needs of a community (or even audience) are shared and work together to achieve a common goal.

  As the creator and only person behind Pozlifeofpatrick, I hit a roadblock a year after operation. I was working full-time, going to school full-time, and then taking on more blogging and traveling request than normal. The blog ended up being more of an object of stress in my life. This changed I met two other amazing guys at the Young Black Gay Leadership Initiative’s (YBGLI) 2014 Policy and Advocacy Summit where we agreed to combine our blogging, video, and social media skills into one to create something new. The creation of ThePozLife has received great response from the community. We share responsibilities, which give me the ability to focus more on school and work, but most importantly, we are bringing our specific personalities, skills, and attributes together in our partnership rather than competing for the same or similar audiences. This solidarity and ability to work together shows something that we have forgotten about.

   When the Normal Heart came on TV, I sat up and watched every minute of it. Like that movie, How to Survive a Plague and even Paris is Burning they all had one common denominator. They were able to work together for a common mission. Today we must be able to place our egos aside and focus on the work for the good of progressing and eventually winning this war against HIV. When we continue to have opposing ideologies about PrEP, HIV Criminalization, and what organizations are not doing we are only hurting ourselves. We must be able to come together in solidarity and work towards a common goal.  On top of working as a team we must be able to have each other’s back and not be willing to let injustice happy to our fellow brothers in sisters who are also trying to make a difference in our communities.   Now our paths to the goal may be in different forms like demonstrations, policy, blogging, education, and prevention however we all must be at least somewhere on the same page.

 

 

Yours in the struggle,

Patrick R.  Ingram

Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative’s 2014 Policy and Advocacy Summit

 

This year has already started off busy as ever.  My blogging has definitely taken a hit but I assure you I am not out (rather just trying to get the word out about Pozlife).  Tomorrow I will be flying in the skies above again and touching down in Atlanta, Georgia for the 2014 Policy and Advocacy Summit, which comes via the Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative.

Alongside 55 other young Black Gay, Bisexual, Same Gender-Loving Men (MSMs) we will spend 2 and 1/2 days of an great opportunity.  The summit will have over 12 sessions ranging from the Affordable Care Act and its impact on young Black gay men to how to survive as a young Black gay professional.  This summit in my opinion definitely helps to address many issues that Black gay men are dealing with, and plant the seed for more continued invest by Black gay men to be better leaders in their communities.

There will also be a Twitter Town Hall  t to ensure all who cannot make it are included and to spread awareness on the topic at hand which is the portrayal of Black gay men in media.  The Twitter Town Hall will be held on Thursday, April 3, from 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. (ET), as part of a panel discussion with a live audience. Twitter users can join this conversation using the same #ybgli . Online viewers can watch the panel discussion via visiting YBGLI YouTube Channel  for a live feed.  So tune in and continue to keep an eye out on my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for content and information.

 

For information on YBGLI check out http://ybgli.org

 

 

 

 

 

HIV in Rural Communities (pt.1)

Check out my new series that discusses HIV in rural communities. I interview individuals who are actually on the ground leading the fight against this growing epidemic in rural Virginia. Please share and spread the word!